How to Stay Strong During No Contact With Your Affair Partner

Figuring out how to stay strong during no contact with your affair partner isn’t easy. Ending a relationship with someone you deeply love and are attached to is incredibly painful. When it’s a secret relationship, the difficulty is compounded. Losing the one person who truly understands what you’re going through leaves you feeling profoundly isolated.

Choosing to go no-contact is a daunting decision—one that becomes even harder to maintain when the pain of separation hits you. It can feel like an inescapable dilemma: staying brings pain, yet leaving seems unbearable. This leaves you feeling defeated and empty.

But if you find yourself in this situation now, know that you’re not alone.

As much as this is deeply painful, I’m confident you can find a way out of this darkness and come to life stronger, more empowered and more fulfilled than ever.

For seven years, I lost myself in a relationship I knew wasn’t bringing out the best in me. I hated who I had become. My self-worth hit rock bottom, and I truly believed I was flawed beyond repair. I tried to leave a thousand times, but every time I mustered the courage to speak up about ending it, he’d pull me back in. I felt like someone who couldn’t keep my word—weak and powerless.

It wasn’t just in my personal life; this experience was going on in the workplace. I convinced myself that if I left, I’d be a failure—too weak to learn the lesson I was meant to learn. I thought if I could somehow stop the sexual relationship while staying at work, it would mean I’d finally passed the test life was giving me.

I never succeeded… at least, not from that perspective.

But today, leaving was far from a failure. In fact, I see it as one of the most courageous, strongest acts I’ve ever made.

As an Affair Recovery Coach, I’ve connected with and supported many women just like you who have struggled—but eventually stuck—to their no-contact rule. Not only that, but I know what it’s like to be “the other woman” too, so there’s not an ounce of judgment here towards your journey – no matter how messy or sticky it has become. Through a 15-minute free call, I’m here to offer an ear and support you.

To help you stay strong in your no-contact journey, here are 10 tips that can guide you through this challenging time.

10 Tips on How to Stay Strong During No Contact

So what kind of changes can you make to stop contact between you and your AP for good? There are different strategies you can put in place to make it easier to stay strong during this highly emotional time.

It’s important that you set yourself up with coping mechanisms and emotional reinforcements so that you feel prepared when the road gets tough.

“I’m ashamed of how many times I have gone back to him. I have lost hope that I can actually follow through.” — Woman’s Words

These tips can help you even if…

…you don’t feel strong enough to do it (but really really want to).

…you’ve broken no contact in the past before.

…you are frightened of the pain and heartbreak you will feel if you end it.

…you’re nervous about what the future holds. 

…you question if you will ever meet anyone better.

You’re stronger than you think. Let’s go through some of the no-contact strategies you can explore.

Make a list of reasons why you chose to go no-contact in the first place. 

In moments of temptation, it can be helpful to remind yourself why you cut off contact with your affair partner in the first place. Whether it’s to reclaim your self-worth, restore peace in your life, or walk away from the pain of hurting others, you can reflect on these reminders to stay grounded when you feel inclined to reach out.

• List all the things that didn’t work. Try to get to 50 things. Allow your mind to feel stuck. It’s so easy to focus on what we are losing but there are many things you will be gaining. Expand the current borders of your mind. 
• What specific patterns or behaviours in the relationship made you feel unseen, unvalued, or hurt?
• How did staying in the relationship affect your self-worth, emotional well-being, or sense of peace?
• What moments or realisations made you finally decide that no contact was necessary for your healing?
• How did this person respond when you expressed your needs, boundaries, or emotions?
• If you were to go back, what would you be tolerating that you promised yourself you never would again?

Where were you out of alignment, out of integrity, stepping away from your core self and values? Where did you put yourself on the backburner?

Get off the chemical high.

Removing all reminders of your AP isn’t just a mental shift—it’s a biological reset. Every scent, photo, or item tied to them reinforces emotional attachment by triggering dopamine and nostalgia. By clearing these cues, you break the subconscious cycle of longing and give your brain the space to detach. 

So let’s put away all photos. If you can’t bring yourself to delete them, put them on a hard drive and lock it away, or give it to your friend. Text messages: delete or archive them. Let’s get things as far away from temptation as possible. It will only slow you down. 

Even small changes, like switching perfumes or bedding, help rewire your associations, making no contact easier and allowing you to reclaim your energy, identity, and emotional freedom.

Block him everywhere. 

I know. “WHAT?! That’s a little too much. I can’t do that!” This is at least what I said: “I never would block him—they are someone I deeply care about.”

As crazy as it is, this step is super important.

The moment a connection is made, do all your boundaries and intentions go out the window?If so, it’s probably time to take every measure possible to ensure that he can’t reach out. This means blocking his number, social media accounts, and any other method he could use to contact you.

Blocking him on all platforms prevents unexpected messages from triggering memories, or even putting yourself in a situation where you feel tempted to respond. Emotional pulls are intense, the moment you are really low you can be tempted. Alternatively, he may send a message that activates anxiety in you. A real desire to acknowledge what he has said and an anxiety that overwhelms you if you don’t clear the air. The more difficult it is for him to reach you, the easier it will be for you to stay firm in your decision.

Reconnect with your worth

This can be easy to forget when the pain of this experience sends you under, but it’s really important we reconnect with our value AND worthiness. Let’s set the bar high for what you really deserve to experience in a relationship. Light a candle and run a warm bath and list out all the beautiful qualities that make you unique and special. Go deep, go detailed, spot the finer things. 

Reflective Questions:

• When do you feel most alive and true to yourself?
• What are your greatest strengths that others often recognise in you?
• Can you recall a moment when you felt deeply appreciated or valued by someone?
• What activities or pursuits make you lose track of time because you enjoy them so much?
• How would you describe yourself to someone who has never met you?
• What values do you hold dear, and how do they shape your decisions and actions?
• What personal achievements are you most proud of, and why?
• How do you envision your ideal life, both personally and professionally?
• What aspects of yourself do you tend to undervalue?
• What makes me unique and special?

Reconnect with your relationship standards.

Write a list of what you desire in partnership that you are not experiencing here. Set your bar high! Is it too high? No, go high—you deserve to be fulfilled in a relationship. 

• If you were deeply cherished and prioritised in love, what would that look like on a daily basis?
• If you could design your dream relationship, what would it feel like to be loved, respected, and prioritised?
• In what ways do you shrink to maintain connection? How would you like that to feel differently?
• In what ways does this relationship leave you feeling anxious, uncertain, or emotionally starved? What freedom and safety do you instead want to feel?
• What are the qualities of an ideal partner that you are not experiencing here?
• How do you want to feel in a relationship every day? (Loved – loved how? Chosen, chosen how? Supported, supported how? Understood? Understood in what ways?)
• What would be different if your love life reflected your highest standards?
• What behaviours would a healthy, available partner never engage in? (Lying, hiding, breadcrumbing, avoiding commitment, withdrawing, dismissing, defending etc.)
• If you weren’t afraid of losing them, what would you ask for that you’re currently not receiving?

Lean on your family and friends.

Connection is vital while going with no contact. Women in affair breakups experience a huge hole and disconnection when going no-contact because, well it’s a secret relationship. This can drive us back into connection with our AP in a need to fill this painful void. Having close friends or family members to confide in about your affair can make the process of going no-contact less isolating. Sharing your feelings and intentions with someone you trust can also help you stay accountable.

Are you struggling to tell your family and friends about your affair relationship? That’s quite common. In fact, many women maintain their secret relationships for years, never confiding in their closest people out of fear and shame. 

If this resonates with you and you’re not ready to cross that bridge, come join our private community for women in affairs. The women in this group can all relate to the experiences of being “the other woman”, making it a place you can safely share what you’ve been through. It’s incredible how many shifts go on when you can finally voice your silenced feelings.

Journal your thoughts.

Going no contact with your affair partner comes with a lot of ups and downs. One moment you feel proud and strong, but the next you’re flooded with tears thinking about what could have been.

Holding your emotions in can keep you from processing them—so allowing yourself to feel all emotions (including the tough ones, like disappointment, grief, anger, and frustration) is crucial. Journaling can help you process the pain, reflect on the lessons learned, and track your emotional progress. It’s also a healthy way to release your thoughts without the risk of contacting him.

Replace the time you spent with him with new activities.

If you want to move on from the married man you were seeing, filling the void is key. Staying busy will occupy your mind and give your brain a little bit of relief. Consider taking up a hobby, enrolling in a class, or dedicating more time to friends and family. 

Whatever it looks like for you, focus on engaging in activities that uplift your spirit and remind you of your values, identity, and self-worth outside of a relationship.

Remember: With this often comes a big wave of grief, filling the void with activities that don’t meet the needs for feeling seen, connected, loved like your affair partner may have made you feel can cause you to leave these new hobbies feeling so alone and isolated.

Give it time. Give it time for people to get to know you deeply. Give it time for these new hobbies to become a new source of comfort. Trust me, before long you will be rewarded in big ways. 

Recognise patterns of toxic relationships.

The dynamics of an affair relationship are complex. Sometimes, the push-and-pull between you and the married man you love might feel like an addiction. In some ways, you may relate to craving the excitement of the relationship, even though you know that those highs are often followed by devastating lows. 

“I know we’re toxic together, but for a moment, it felt like everything was perfect, like he saw the real me in a way no one else ever has.” — Woman’s Words

Acknowledging the pattern between you and your AP and seeing what made the relationship unhealthy for you can help you step back from engaging in a cycle that no longer serves you.

Seek 1-1 support.

The time it takes to heal is all unique to each individual. IIf the emotional weight feels too heavy to bear alone, I’m here to walk with you through it. Through my 1:1 coaching, I will help you bring what’s unclear into full light, with understanding and awareness you will begin to spot patterns and then be able to heal. 

If you think it’s time to reach out, book a discovery call with me. If you’re not quite sure, I’ll be here when you’re ready.

Create boundaries (and stick to them).

Clear boundaries are an essential part of maintaining no contact. These can include physical boundaries, for example avoiding “accidentally” bumping into him by going to places you know he visits often. 

You will also need to create emotional boundaries too. Consider the way you want to be treated by a partner, and the type of relationship you want to be in. Create boundaries around your values and stick to them. For example, you may create a boundary of no longer being in a relationship that has to be kept secret. Remind yourself that your well-being is tied to the boundaries you create.

Refocus your energy on yourself.

This is one of the most essential no contact rules you can stick to. When dating a married man, women will often find they put themselves aside to meet their needs, schedule, and desires of their AP. Now, it’s your moment to reclaim the blank space in your day any way you want to.

Taking care of yourself is crucial during this period. Focus on eating well, getting fresh air, meditating, and getting enough sleep. The stronger you feel physically and mentally, the more empowered you’ll be to stay firm in your decision.

It may feel really hard at first. But when your energy shifts to one of enjoyment, what you attract will change dramatically. Men will begin to lean in because you prioritizing yourself first is magnetically attractive. 

Visualise your life free of the affair.

As you go through this process of change, it’s the perfect time to start imagining and building the kind of life you really want. This can be intimidating and exciting all at the same time. It’s new, and perhaps it’s not what you once thought your future would look like… but that doesn’t mean it can’t be amazing. 

Not only is it a freeing exercise, but visualizing a future where you’re at peace, strong, and fulfilled without him can help you stay on track during moments of weakness.

How to Stay Strong During No Contact When He Tries to Get You Back

“My affair partner contacted me again… I really struggle to not fall back into the relationship. How do I avoid repeating our same old toxic cycle?”

Going no contact is a powerful step, but some married men may not respect your boundaries— and try to reinitiate contact. Recognizing the tactics your affair partner may use to reach out will help you prepare for these moments and stay strong.

He may reach out to you by…

• Declaring how much he misses you. He may say he’s struggling without you, or act desperate as a way of evoking sympathy. 
• Apologizing profusely. He might apologize for the affair or the way he treated you in an attempt to rekindle your connection.
• Say he needs closure. But that’s not what he really wants—what he wants is to rope you back in, if he can.
• Playing the victim. He might claim he’s the one who was hurt or misunderstood, flipping the script to make you feel guilty.
• Guilt trips. He might try to make you feel guilty for abandoning him or say that you’re the only one who understands him.
• Using special occasions as an excuse. Birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries may prompt him to send a message, pretending it’s an innocent acknowledgment of the day.
• Promising to change. He may tell you he’s changed and that things will be different this time, promising you a better future together.
• Showering you with compliments. Complimenting you could trigger nostalgia and cloud your judgment.
• Unannounced visits. If you’ve had “coincidental” encounters with your AP after going no contact, know these may not be as unplanned as they seem. Be wary of coincidental run-ins or surprise visits designed to catch you off guard.

If his first strategy attempt doesn’t work, he might pivot to another and try again. For example, if showering you with compliments doesn’t get him what he wants, he may move on to playing the victim and guilt shaming you. 

You can set boundaries, but you can’t force him to respect them. All you can do is continue to enforce them and hold strong to what is truly best for you.

Stick to Your No Contact Rule For You

Learning how to stay strong during no contact takes time, so don’t be too harsh on yourself if you’re struggling with it. Staying no contact with an affair partner is a difficult journey, but ultimately one of the most empowering decisions you can make for yourself. 

If you see 1:1 support being a powerful part of your journey, schedule a free discovery call with me. There’s no commitment required, and it gives me the chance to hear a bit of your story so we can decide together if we’d be a good fit.

Each step you take away from the affair is a step toward something new, so hold on to your strength, trust your instincts, and remember: you can do this.