Abuse of Power in Relationships: Signs to Look For

The first time I learned about abuse of power my head spun. It’s painful to come to the awareness that the person who supposedly loves you is misusing their power. 

What does that mean? Did he really love me? Did he really care?

Abuse of power in relationships can be subtle, yet still have a profound impact on your emotional and psychological well-being. Abuse of power can manifest in different ways, from controlling behaviours to emotional manipulation. 

Recognising signs like these is the first step toward reclaiming your sense of self and making decisions for yourself from an empowered place.

In this post, we’re exploring signs that an abuse of power is taking place in a romantic relationship—and the steps you can take if you find yourself in this dynamic today.

Abuse of Power: Red Flags in Relationships

Do you feel like your partner gets the last word on what happens in your life and relationship, and your opinion is devalued? Has your self-worth diminished since your relationship began? 

Do you feel like you lose yourself in love?

On one hand, you may feel confused and unsettled about your relationship—but on the other you’re sure that there’s love between you… so what’s really going on?

Here are the red flags that your partner is exerting their power over you.

1. Control disguised as protection.

A partner who insists on making decisions for you under the guise of “protecting” or “helping” you may be exerting undue control. His controlling behaviour can show up in how you spend your time, who you interact with, or how you handle finances—just to name a few.

While concern and care are natural in relationships, when one person dominates decision-making, it signals a power imbalance. Every person is entitled to their opinion, but you should always be able to maintain your autonomy in a healthy relationship.

• Control disguised as protection: “You shouldn’t bring up problems—we’ll just end up fighting, and I don’t want to see you upset.”
• Genuine concern: “I know conflict can be hard, but I want us to be able to talk openly. What would help you feel safe expressing your feelings?”

• Control disguised as protection: “You shouldn’t talk to that person; they seem like a bad influence.”
• Genuine concern: “I’ve noticed that after spending time with them, you seem really drained. Do you feel like that friendship supports you?”

• Control disguised as protection: “Let me handle all the finances; I’m better at managing money, and I want to protect us from any financial problems.”
• Genuine concern: “Managing money can be stressful. Would you like to go over the budget together to make sure we’re both comfortable?”

• Control disguised as protection: “I just want to make sure you’re safe, so you shouldn’t go out with your friends tonight.” or “I’m going to come to ensure you are ok.”
• Genuine concern: “I feel concerned because I heard that area has been unsafe lately. I would love to pick you up or do you have a plan to get home safely?”

• Control disguised as protection: “I don’t want you texting other men/women. People will get the wrong idea, and I’m just looking out for you.”
• Genuine concern: “I trust you, and I also want us both to feel secure in our relationship. How do you feel about setting healthy boundaries together?”

• Control disguised as protection: “You don’t need therapy. I’m here for you, and I know what’s best for you.”
• Genuine concern: “I’ll always support you, and if talking to a professional could help, I fully encourage it. What do you think?”

When one partner takes away autonomy under the pretense of “keeping you safe” or “helping you,” they are using concern as a tool for control. This is coercive and undermines personal agency, making it an abuse of power.

2. Emotional manipulation and guilt-tripping.

Manipulation isn’t always easy to spot—especially when it comes from someone you love. Emotional manipulation often makes you feel guilty for setting boundaries, expressing your needs, or prioritising your well-being.

Healthy relationships are built on balance and mutual respect—not one person dictating the terms through guilt and coercion.

• Healthy love:
  “Take all the space you need. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
• Manipulative:
  “Oh, I guess I’m just not that important to you if you need space from me.”

• Healthy love:
  “I respect whatever you need to feel safe and comfortable — even if that means saying no to me.”
• Manipulative:
  “Wow… after everything I’ve done for you, you’re really going to say no to me?”

• Healthy love:
  “Thank you for trusting me with how you feel — I want to understand you better.”
• Manipulative:
  “I can’t believe you’d say that to me — do you even care how that makes me feel?”

• Healthy love:
  “It makes me happy to see you doing things that make you feel alive.”
• Manipulative:
  “Must be nice to have a life that doesn’t revolve around anyone but yourself.

3. Isolation from your support systems.

Controlling partners often try to cut their partners off from friends, family, and other support networks. This can be subtle—perhaps they frequently criticise the people you love or create conflict that makes it hard for you to maintain those connections.

Over time, this isolation—and lack of connection and input from other people—can make it more difficult to recognise and challenge the power dynamics at play.

Cutting someone off from external perspectives and emotional support is a tactic of abuse and control. It fosters dependence, making it harder for the isolated person to leave or recognise mistreatment.

• Healthy Love:
  “Whatever’s on your heart matters to me — I want you to feel safe telling me anything.”
• Isolating:
  “I’m tired of hearing about your problems — no one else would put up with this like I do.”

• Healthy Love:
  “I love when you spend time with your friends — you light up after being with them.”
• Isolating:
  “They don’t really understand you like I do… you always seem different after seeing them.”

• Healthy Love:
  “I want you to have people you trust to talk to besides me.”
• Isolating:
  “You shouldn’t be sharing our relationship problems with anyone — that’s disrespectful.”

4. Unequal decision-making power.

Healthy relationships involve mutual decision-making and respect for both partners’ voices. If one person’s needs, desires, or perspectives are consistently dismissed or ignored, this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship dynamic.

Whether it’s about financial decisions, household responsibilities, or major life choices, both partners should have an equal say. If your opinion is consistently diminished and devalued, it’s a red flag of a controlling partner. You deserve, at the very least, an equal say in the decisions of your life, whether big or small.

A partner who dominates all decisions is exerting power and control. Healthy relationships are based on shared decision-making, not one person overriding the other’s voice.

5. Fear of repercussions.

Do you find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid conflict with your partner, or their negative reactions? You may be an expert of reading the room, calming others emotions, helping others to feel safe. But does it slowly come at the cost of yourself. 

This can be an abuse of power red flag. A power imbalance often leaves one partner feeling anxious about expressing their thoughts, fearing anger, withdrawal, or punishment in response. You may be so accommodating, that you don’t notice much discomfort. But what if you started having your own opinions, wants, and needs, would you bump up against resistance?

Under no circumstances should you ever feel afraid of your partner. Your partner is allowed to be frustrated, angry, or upset—but they never have a right to take it out on you in any way. 

Walking on eggshells means you feel unsafe in your relationship. When one partner is afraid to speak up due to potential anger, punishment, or withdrawal, this is an abuse of power.

Abuse of Power in Workplace Relationships

Power disparities in workplace relationships can lead to fear and anxiety—specifically from the partner who holds less power in the workplace dynamic.

Key Concerns in Workplace Relationships:

• Implicit pressure. Even if a relationship appears consensual, the power imbalance can create unspoken pressure for the lower-ranking person to comply with the higher-ranking person’s wishes—whether that’s at work or in their personal lives.
• Career consequences. Employees may feel compelled to stay in the relationship to avoid losing opportunities or facing negative repercussions at work.
• Professional boundaries. When power is abused, professional roles become blurred, creating an uncomfortable or unsafe work environment for others.

Organizations and individuals must be aware of these risks and establish boundaries that protect against workplace power abuse.

Notice how you feel! Don’t dismiss yourself.

Your feelings can reveal power imbalances in workplace relationships, especially when romance is involved. If you find yourself seeking their approval but feeling uneasy about the sacrifices you’re making, it may be a sign of covert control. 

Perhaps you feel pressure to please them, keep them happy, or avoid upsetting them, even when it comes at a cost to your own well-being. You might rationalise their influence over you—convincing yourself it’s just care or protection—while feeling a growing sense of resentment, anxiety, or loss of autonomy. 

If you hesitate to set boundaries out of fear they’ll withdraw affection or make you feel guilty, this could indicate a power imbalance disguised as love or care.

Grooming: A Pathway to Power Abuse

At 17, I was groomed by my first boss, who had a partner and kids. I got stuck in a 7-year sexual relationship with this employer that caused me to lose myself completely. It took me many years to recognise what I thought was love and deep care was actually abuse of power and grooming. 

Signs of Adult Grooming:

• Meeting a need — They step into your life as someone safe, supportive, or wise. They offer guidance, protection, or opportunity — fulfilling an unmet need for attention, belonging, or validation.
  
• Building trust & dependence — They become your main emotional support. You start to rely on their opinions, praise, or approval. It feels special — like they see and understand you in a way others don’t.
  
• Creating emotional obligation — Their investment in you starts to come with invisible strings. You feel a growing sense of indebtedness — like you owe them loyalty, time, or access to your life in return.
  
• Testing boundaries — Small boundary-crossings are disguised as jokes, accidental touches, or compliments that make you question your discomfort. They watch how you respond and adjust accordingly.
  
• Gradual sexualisation — The relationship slowly shifts. What began as care or mentorship is laced with flirtation, sexualised comments, or physical closeness that feels confusing and hard to name.
  
• Undermining outside influence — They discourage you from confiding in others. They may criticise people in your life or suggest “nobody else understands you like I do,” increasing your isolation.

Understanding grooming is essential because it reveals how power abuse doesn’t always start with obvious harm—it begins with manipulation that escalates over time.

Find Clarity, Peace, and Decide What’s Next

An abuse of power in relationships undermines your autonomy and personal freedom. It can also be damaging to your self-image and self-esteem. Recognising these signs and patterns allows you to step back, assess the situation, and protect yourself.

As a person who has experienced abuse of power in a relationship—an age-gap affair relationship with a boss—a man twice my age—I deeply understand the hurt, shame, and long-term emotional repercussions.

Sharing my own story has helped me release that shame and find the confidence I needed to pave my own path—and write my own story.

Now, as a coach for women, I’m here to help you navigate the emotional complexities of power imbalance relationships, providing insight and strategies to regain clarity and confidence. I’m here to listen and hold space while you figure out your next steps. Whatever answers you find, you don’t have to find them alone.

Let’s connect on a call and see if you’d be a fit for 1:1 coaching, or to become a member in our private community of women.

You deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, equality, and empowerment.