Your Affair Partner Told His Wife About You… And Then You Got Blocked. Here’s Why.
Whether you were warned in advance that it was happening or not, knowing your affair partner told his wife about you is incredibly intense and emotional.
Anxiety. Dread. Relief. Curiosity. You’re probably feeling it all—all while sitting with a 1000 unanswered questions.
But what if, instead of answers, you come to find your AP has blocked you?
What is he thinking?
Does he want to make it work with her?
Does he miss me?
What happened after he told his wife?
Why did my affair partner cut contact—and how could he do that to me?
The pain you’re feeling right now is far too much to hold. You may feel like you are at the lowest point in your life that you have ever been, which really highlights the significance of what is really going on for you.
I’m here with you, and my deepest desire is to get you out of this place and ultimately to a place where you are thriving in life and in your relationships. The first step in processing your grief and the end of your relationship is by finding your truth in this complex situation, and that’s what this post is here to help you with.
Keep reading to learn the possible reasons your AP cut off contact with you completely—and what you can do next.
“My Affair Partner Told His Wife… Now What?”
Getting blocked by your affair partner is an unexpected punch in the gut. The sudden exit from your life, without explanation, leaves you reeling… and wondering how he could be okay with cutting ties so abruptly.
“I see pictures online that his wife is posting, it makes me sick, like they are all perfect and happy. What happens now? I feel like I have no closure. How do I get over him when I don’t know what happened?” — Woman’s Words
You deserve better than to sit without closure, wondering “why did my affair partner block me?”
While we can’t know with certainty the answers in your unique circumstances, here are a few reasons he may have walked away without warning.
The married man you’re seeing is doing damage control.
The moment your AP reveals his affair to his wife (or she finds out), everything changes for him. He’s instantly faced with the consequences of having a secret relationship, and therefore may feel an overwhelming need to prove his loyalty to his wife. Blocking you signals to his spouse that he’s serious about saving their marriage.
Whether the actions he takes to prove that you are “out of his life” are sincere or not, it’s extremely painful. Even though you two shared a deep connection, self-preservation and saving face with their partner often take precedence for him.
Your affair partner thinks this is the “easy way out”.
Feeling left hanging without answers is devastating, especially when it’s happening with a married man who once claimed he’d do anything for you and that you are his closest friend in life. Here’s another thing that may have led him to become unreachable: he felt like the only way forward was to cut off the relationship with you entirely.
Whether it was to avoid causing you pain (which he has not) or avoid facing pain himself, he may have thought that blocking you was the easiest thing for you both. It could also be a way of forcing himself to move on from you, as any further interaction could make it more difficult for him to go no contact and walk away.
While understandable in some respects, this explanation doesn’t forgive the way he’s treated you. A man who truly loves and respects you the way you deserve won’t ghost you.
Your AP is worried about being exposed.
Once the affair between your AP and you is revealed to his wife, the fear of further exposure often kicks in. He could be especially vulnerable to this in certain circumstances, for example if you work with your affair partner he may be anxious that your secret relationship will come to light and hurt his career. If you and your AP are in-laws or closely tied to extended family, he might also be worried about the rest of the family finding out.
In situations like these, there may be more than emotional fallout for your AP to worry about. He may be concerned about being heavily shamed by his family, or even disowned. He could even be facing possible legal consequences.
Resuming contact with you might create additional evidence that could be used against them in court.
Or it might create more evidence in the court of opinion, and be used against him as public humiliation.
Your AP may have blocked you as a way of controlling the narrative to prevent the situation from spiraling out of control.
His wife told him to end the affair—immediately.
Why did your affair partner block you? Did his wife force him to go no contact? It’s definitely a possibility. In many cases, blocking the affair partner is a demand from the spouse. After finding out about the affair, his wife may have given an ultimatum: cut off all contact with you, or the marriage ends.
In a desperate attempt to further destruction or the collapse of his marriage, your affair partner may comply, hoping to regain some trust. Blocking you serves as a gesture of goodwill toward his spouse, even if it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s emotionally moved on from you.
While your AP may not have come to this decision independently, the fact is that he did agree to these conditions for his wife. He made a choice. While it’s difficult to respect his decision, let alone process it, it can help to let go of the idea that there’s anything you could have done to change the outcome.
He chose to escape—and not deal with the reality of his affair relationship.
Affairs are emotionally intense when they are a secret, but can be even more so when they come to light. The weight of guilt and shame often comes crashing down around the married man you’re seeing, leaving him with overwhelming regret.
In that moment of realization, blocking you might feel like the quickest way to shut the door on the situation and avoid confronting the emotions that come with it. To him, blocking you is a form of emotional self-protection—a way to avoid reminders of who he’s hurt and how he’s hurt them.
Here’s what he forgot: You have feelings too. You’ve felt the pressure of guilt and shame on your shoulders just as much as he has—if not more for the way the “other woman” is seen and stigmatized.
He wasn’t as invested in your future as he told you he was.
While this is incredibly hard to hear, it’s important to be open to the idea that the married man you loved wasn’t honest with you. Your affair partner might have known, deep down, that if the affair ever came to light, he would choose his wife.
Blocking you could be an acknowledgment that the relationship wasn’t built to survive long-term challenges—despite all the promises and declarations he made to you. Remember, no matter how good things are when you are together, his actions still speak louder than his words ever could, and walking away without explanation speaks volumes about his lack of respect for you.
“I oscillate between appearing happy and laughing to deceive my family into thinking I’m okay. Then, when I’m alone in the shower, I silently cry, overwhelmed by the realization that after five years, I might have been nothing more than a convenience to him.” – Woman’s Words
Will Your Affair Partner Come Back After Blocking you?
Every situation is so different. You may have a knowing deep down that this is the end, or you may feel that he will come back around. In these situations, both outcomes are highly possible.
It’s also not uncommon for women to dwell for years, wondering if he will ever reach back out to apologize for the way he handled things. On the flip side, the on-and-off dynamic of an affair relationship isn’t out of the norm. In these types of affairs, even if the door was shut, it always seems to have a slight crack that could open right up at any moment.
If you’re in this stage, I highly recommend reaching out for support. You could start with private 1-1 coaching or by joining our community so that I can help you work through your unique situation.
Moving Forward After Being Blocked By Your Affair Partner
Being blocked by your affair partner is devastating. Just because he cut off contact with you doesn’t mean your feelings stopped. It’s hard to move forward, but if you take it one day at a time you can help bring yourself closure.
Here are some things to keep in mind as you work through your affair ending so abruptly:
Focus on your healing.
The ending of any relationship is emotionally draining, and affair relationships are no exception. In fact, affair relationships that end without a word from your AP leaves you with a lot of lingering question marks, so it may take a little more time to find your footing again. Now, more than ever, you deserve to take the time to heal from this entire experience.
No matter how long you were together or how invested you were in the outcome, the end of an affair—especially in such a harsh manner—can leave emotional scars. Give yourself permission to process your feelings.
Don’t rush through this part—or blocking your thoughts—this will only prolong true healing. You can use my affair journal prompts to support you with processing. Stay connected with friends and family and don’t isolate yourself (as much as you may want to). Meditate, get out in nature, do creative things that your heart usually enjoys, to name a few things.
Find closure on your own terms.
You don’t need to wait to hear from your affair partner to get closure. When you’re ready to close the door on this relationship, you can (we can help you with this). A major part of finding closure within yourself comes from deeply reflecting on the relationship, the choices you made, and how you want to approach relationships moving forward.
Having the right support around you can make a huge difference in your healing process. You can seek support from friends, family, or join our private community of women who understand the dynamics of affair relationships and can connect with you on a deeper level.
Avoid getting caught in the crossfire.
Has your affair partner’s wife reached out to you? If so, what should you do? In most cases, when your affair partner’s wife contacts you, it’s going to be a highly emotional time.
While the decision to communicate with her is ultimately up to you, remember that protecting yourself—psychologically, emotionally, and in some instances physically—is of the utmost importance.
Communicate in whichever way you feel most comfortable, and avoid getting caught in the crossfire between husband and wife.
As a married couple, they may find it easier to gang up on you than take personal accountability.
If you need to eliminate any form of contact with his wife, you have every right to.
Take with you what you’ve learned.
Every relationship can offer lessons, although they are difficult to see right away. But with time comes perspective, and eventually you will be able to reflect on the wisdom you’ve gained from your relationship with a married man.
Did it show you what you want (or don’t want) in future relationships? Are there boundaries you need to set for yourself in the future? Moving on from an affair ending is a painful process, but it also lends itself to your personal growth too, the change that has been needing to happen for some time.
You Deserve Closure (and So Much More)
It’s going to take time for you to heal from all that you’ve gone through, but you deserve to find happiness again—the “getting butterflies, jumping-up-and-down” kind of happiness that makes your soul feel alive.
As an Affair Recovery Coach, I help women work through the unique circumstances of their affair relationship as we work together to shed light on the type of love you really want.
It’s time to reclaim your life and focus on building healthy, fulfilling relationships moving forward. If you’re ready, I am too.
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