How to Stop Dating a Married Man (Without Actually Breaking Up)
Is there a foolproof guide on how to stop dating a married man? The truth is that if you’re seeing a married man, your relationship is full of ups, downs, and complexities. Even still, there are steps you can take to move on from this relationship—or at the very least get some space to breathe (and think!)—if that’s what you decide you want.
The tips you’ll learn about today really work—even if you’ve already tried to break up several times before, to no avail. So what’s the secret?
In this post, you’ll gain insight into why your previous attempts didn’t get you where you want… and the steps you can take now to finally break off this relationship and start fresh.
Learning How to Stop Dating a Married Man Starts Here
Have you decided now is the best time to end your affair? It may sound impossible now, but you can minimise the heartache and grief in a few different ways. What you’ll discover here today are various detachment strategies—practices to help you detach from your affair partner.
This doesn’t mean you’ll need to turn off your feelings or stop loving him. Let’s face it: you can’t always control your feelings. But you can control how you act on them.
Learning to let go is more so about turning the focus from your married boyfriend onto yourself and giving yourself some room to gain perspective… and grab ahold of the future you want.
First and foremost, you’ll have to turn inward and work on the stories you tell yourself about why you’re in a relationship with a married man in the first place—and what it means.
Common narratives of the other woman.
These are common negative stories the “other woman” tends to carry.
“I will never meet anyone like him”
“I will never meet anyone better than him… Actually, I don’t even want anyone better than him, I just want him!”
“He is my best friend, and I don’t want to lose him.”
“I’ll have no one to share my joy with.”
“If I leave I will lose his love.”
“Nobody gets me like him. He understands me the best.”
“He loves me more than anyone else in this world.”
“If I leave, he will kill himself.”
“If I leave him, I’ll be devastated and I’ll have nothing left in this life to do.”
“If I stop a sexual relationship, what if he treats me poorly at work?”
“If I stop a sexual relationship with him he will move straight onto another woman.”
“If I leave, his emotions will impact his kids’ happiness.”
“My life will be better if I just stay with him one more year.”
“I won’t be able to grow in my career if I break up with him.”
“What if he threatens to tell my family/work/his wife about this affair?”
“If I break up he’ll lose all the respect he has for me.”
“If I break up, his business will tumble because I play such an important role in his business.”
“If I break up, I’ll have to move my house/pay rent/buy a car.”
If these stories resonate with you, you’re not alone. But consider this a gentle reminder that this is not reality.
These thoughts stem from fear—a fear that innately pushes you to take the path of least resistance, or to do what feels safe (rather than what’s good for you).
While these thoughts can be daunting, if you look at them without fear you may realise some of these are no more than logistical inconveniences you can overcome by yourself.
Tips to End Your Relationship With a Married Man
It may not feel like it right now, but moving on is within your reach. Here are some tips to help you get started.
Find a support system.
So many women in relationships with married men are too ashamed to confide about their experience with their friends and family. And sometimes, even when you do, your loved ones struggle to understand what you’re going through. This is no fault of their own—they simply can’t relate to the unique experiences of seeing a man who’s married.
But bottling it up has been killing you slowly.
It’s time to invite support in—understanding, compassionate, “I’ve been there too” support. That’s where our private community comes in.
Our community is confidential, anonymous, and it’s the best place to authentically connect with women who are or who have been the “Other Woman”.
It’s a safe and supportive space free of shame and judgement where you can pop in and chat daily. We’re here for you when you need us.
“It’s like a wonderful security blanket to know there are others out there in this situation in need of support. Most support is for the cheater and the cheated on, but not the “other woman” in the relationship. I would say join! We can all help each other through this process.” — Community Member
In order to maintain the integrity of this group and protect the privacy of our members, access can only be granted after we meet on a short discovery call. This call is free and is a great opportunity for you to ask questions and ensure this group is right for you.
I can’t wait to hear your story.
Get into a new routine.
Sometimes the best way to get out of a routine that’s not working is by building a new one. Finding space from your affair relationship might look like staying busy with something else. Here are a few ideas:
- Join a gym or yoga studio
- Start a new creative hobby
- Try out dance classes
- Meet with a book club
- Try new recipes
Whatever it is, it can work as long as it sparks joy in your life and keeps you busy. The intention is not to avoid pain, but to find outlets to help you deal with it as it comes.
Opt for accountability.
Everyone needs a healthy dose of accountability—but this is especially true when you’re changing your relationship with a married man.
It’s easy to fall back into an unhealthy relationship, especially if he is continuing to maintain contact when you’ve made it clear you need space.
You can think of your affair relationship as one of these “big habits” in your life, which is why ending it can feel heavy—it’s so far removed from the life you know now. But remember: Your relationship is just a part of your life, not your whole life.
The human mind is powerful AF! We can change our lives just by changing our thoughts. And opting to find someone who can help you hold yourself accountable is one way you can encourage new thoughts and embrace them.
As an Affair Recovery Coach, I’m here to keep you on track. My role is to walk alongside you and encourage you to design your better life. I know there is so much more to be found on the other side of your relationship (trust me, I’ve been there!)
“Kate is a wonderful person. She understands the affair dynamic and provides excellent guidance and support. She is non-judgmental and extremely comforting. She helps you see things in different ways and gives good advice and tips for breaking free of unhealthy attachments. I am so glad our paths have crossed and I am thankful for her.” — Women’s Words
When we work together 1-1, you sign up for undivided guidance and support throughout our 12 private sessions together, and access to our exclusive community too. We can discuss this in more detail on a free discovery call.
There’s no commitment required to hop on a call—feel free to book in and come and ask your questions! I promise it’s a place you can fully express where you are now and exhale.
“After the first call with Kate, I knew my life was going to finally change… She provided the empathy, space-holding, and wisdom that I needed to finally disentangle myself.
Kate understands the affair dynamic and relationship dynamics, as a whole, better than any other psychotherapist or coach I’ve worked with.” — Women’s Words
Reimagine your life plans.
There’s no better time than now to go back to the drawing board—and start dreaming big.
What is it that you’ve always wanted to do?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
What did you want to achieve?
Who did you want to become?
Rediscover your purpose and chase those teenage dreams. Make that unwritten wish a reality.
It’s time to follow your ambitions and shine your soul again.
Travel solo.
Feel like you need some alone time? Breaking up with a married man is all the reason you need to take that extended holiday. Sit on a beach, go backpacking, wander through a city rich in history…. It doesn’t matter what kind of travel experience you choose. It’s really about exploring your liberty and freedom—-and reminding yourself of your power and worth.
It also gives you time to have an inner dialogue about what you really want, while also taking intentional time to rejuvenate your mind, body and soul.
Set Yourself Free from A Relationship that Isn’t Working for You
Figuring out how to stop dating a married man begins with filling your cup first. That’s why finding support, staying accountable, starting a new exciting routine, reimagining your future plans, and travelling solo can be so healing. Each of these strategies can help you hit the reset button and walk into your new life with confidence.
Remember that making these changes does not have to happen overnight. You don’t need to overhaul your life in a few hours—but you can start taking small steps now to gain momentum.
As an Affair Recovery Coach, I help women just like you navigate one of the most difficult experiences of your life—ending a complex relationship with your affair partner.
Just because you have to get through it doesn’t mean you have to go at it alone.
Let’s connect and start making a plan for you to get some space. There’s no pressure to end your relationship now, nor will I ever push you to walk away. My job is to hold a space that feels safe so you can gain a sense of power over your own destiny.
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