6 Ways Dating a Married Man Hurts: The Reality of Being the Other Woman

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This dynamic can feel like a power struggle in your relationship—one you can’t win—because you don’t want to miss the chance to talk to him when he makes himself available. You feel like you’re giving your power away, always having to be on his timeline and over time this begins to impact your confidence and sense of self-worth negatively.

2. Spending holidays and other special occasions alone.

Holidays and special occasions should be filled with happiness and joy—but when you’re in a relationship with a man who is married, it doesn’t always turn out that way. It’s common for your married partner to be unable to show up for holidays and events. This might be due to the risk of outing your relationship—or it might be because he’s with his wife or family instead. 

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If you’ve experienced this, you may feel emotionally abandoned by him. While everyone else is enjoying each milestone as it passes with their partner, you’re alone… picturing him with his family, wishing things could be different.

What’s more, here’s what can happen on the flipside: On the chance he is available to spend a holiday or birthday with you, a deep sense of guilt can stand in your way of fully embracing it. Instead of enjoying the moment, your thoughts could be with his wife or his kids, wondering how this time with you is impacting them. Either way, it’s like you can’t win.

“I feel so guilty… I think about it every night. I desperately want to let his wife know he was unfaithful–then I think I don’t want to hurt him. But I feel bad for her, and don’t want to hurt her either.” — Community Member 

3. Keeping your relationship secret from loved ones. 

When something great happens in your relationship, it’s only normal to want to share those highlights with close family and friends. Even when you’re going through a rough time in your relationship—whether it’s with a married man or not—you want to have support from those closest to you too. 

But “my boyfriend is married” isn’t easy to say, especially when you feel overwhelmed by the fear of being labeled as a “homewrecker”, “selfish” or poorly judged by the people you care about the most.

4. Feeling alone at the end of the day, even though you technically “have someone”. 

You want to be grateful for the relationship you have—even under the circumstances of being with a married man who can’t commit. But most nights, you don’t feel grateful—you feel depressed, ashamed, miserable, and broken.

There is a quiet way to find out what your pattern is really telling you.

The truth is that it hurts to be the other woman. Talking to a married man every day isn’t the same as having someone to come home to, or someone who’s truly committed to you. Someone who wants to hear about your day—and only your day.

Society might tell you that this is “what you signed up for”, but that’s simply untrue. You signed up for intimacy, closeness, and a deep bond. But every night, or most nights, you go to sleep alone. If this is taking its toll on you, you’re not the only one. Many women who are with married men struggle emotionally during their relationship, and it’s completely valid.

5. When your plans get cancelled at the last minute.

As the other woman, you may be tired of having plans cancelled or coming in last. Married men tend to get pulled away by their other priorities, including their wife. This is incredibly difficult to grapple with. Not feeling chosen by him makes you feel lonely—and like you’re not good enough. 

In this kind of relationship, he tends to hold the power. If he cancels on you, there’s nothing you can do about it—except be ready and willing to meet when he’s available again. Of course, wherever or whenever you meet always tends to happen on his terms.

“I don’t know what I want. I know he’s not going to leave his wife. I just don’t know if I’m ready to end things with him. I did fall in love with him, so I don’t know if I’ll be unhappier not having him in my life than I am having him in my life when it’s convenient for him.” — Community Member

6. Daydreaming of a future that’s steeped in uncertainty.

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Loving a married man is hard, especially when it comes to planning for your future. You once had a sense of power and agency over the direction of your life, but now you’re waiting for him to lead the way. Will you ever be able to make your relationship public? Will you take steps towards integrating your lives and building a true, tangible commitment? 

Your heart is on the line—with no clear path forward in sight. You want a committed and public relationship, and even though he’s told you that your time will come, you’re still waiting. So should you hang onto hope, or should you let the relationship go? 

There is no “right answer” to this question, only the best solution for you. But remember that even though you can’t control his actions or his decisions, you do have the power to choose what happens next in your life.

“I want to move on, and I really need him to tell me why he got involved if there wasn’t a real connection. I’m tired of wondering if what we have is pure, or if he felt differently and has been lying to me for the past 13 months.” –Women’s Words

It’s Time to Step into the Relationship You Really Want

Dating a married man comes with its fair share of emotional hurdles, and for most women it comes with a lot of heartbreak. While you might feel lost, lonely, and unsure what to do next, know that your situation can get better—even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

If you’re the other woman in a relationship with a married man, you might be wondering what to do next. While there is no guidebook on how to deal with the pain of loving a married man, there are resources and support.

Our private community is an amazing place to connect with women who’ve been where you’ve been. Your experiences will deeply resonate with them, and vice-versa. It’s a great place to find confidential support among women who share these unique experiences with you.

If you’re ready to dig deep and take an empowering step forward, my 1-1 coaching program is for you. This coaching isn’t designed to talk you out of your relationship or push you in any particular direction. It’s designed to help you get in tune with what you really want so you can start taking action, feel in control of your life again, and restore a sense of peace.

Let’s hop on a discovery call and talk about your options. The call is commitment-free and it doesn’t cost anything—it’s just an opportunity to talk about your options.